By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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