I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
