My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
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