What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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