you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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