only if we run a train.
done.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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