Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
