i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
