dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
