My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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