oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
