Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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