i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
