careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
