I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
