I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
