Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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