Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
