K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
