Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
