just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
