I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
