i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
