I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Life without a bra equals bliss.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
