Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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