my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
