I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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