yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
