jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
