when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
