So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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