You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
