I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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