I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
