I'm gonna have a badass scar
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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