yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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