I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
