The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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