She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
