Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
