sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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