Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
