At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
