Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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