hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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