You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
