it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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