last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Randomize
