Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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