just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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