I wanna bring you to show and tell
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
