Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
