the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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