Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
