Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
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At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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