This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
