How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
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What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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