then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
