my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He has the fingertips of a God
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize