i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
