yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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