I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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