my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
