Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
