Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
