i just wanna soil my oats bro
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
