please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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