I want to walk on stilts...naked
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
