Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
